Some may have noticed that I haven’t felt like writing recently. I think it might be because as Spring approaches, I too feel like I am getting stronger and finding joy more frequently, and I think it’s easier for me to write when I’m sad or despondent, and I haven’t felt as sad or as despondent lately, which is a good thing. That’s not to say I still don’t get sucker punched with tears. Like when our oldest attended her ball, & I realized that there were two seats saved for me & Jamey, not just one for me. Or when I held out stupid hope that perhaps Jamey had arranged for a dozen red roses 🌹 be delivered on Valentine’s Day before he passed, but later realized that of course he hadn’t.
But at the same time, I feel God’s hand patting me on the back & pulling me into a comforting embrace ALL. THE. TIME. For though there were two seats saved, I had already agreed to volunteer to help behind the curtain with all the girls getting ready to walk out onto the stage. So instead, I was able to share those two seats with my daughter and one of her best friends. And likewise, though I didn’t receive a dozen red roses from Jamey, I did have a dear friend surprise me with beautiful pink roses, & my girls in turn brought me a dozen red roses & one of the sweetest cards EVER crediting me with being a role model that melted my heart into drippy tears. And I had texts & messages from friends near & far checking in & on me all throughout the day, & as God designed it, I was slammed @ work that day too, which was such a blessing.
I do not take for granted any of those kindnesses. And as I hope all are aware, plans for a joyous and festive celebration of life are underway for Saturday, April 15. But let me tell you how blessed I feel about that.
Wives are being widowed all day, every day, from colorectal cancer, from car wrecks, from suicide, from violence, from freak accidents, the list goes on and on, but how many of those widowed wives have a stellar group of people helping them plan a celebration of life for their deceased husband? I would guess not many. I honestly do not know how anyone would cope with widowhood without faith & family & friends & community, but that is because I have those things & those people, & I am so, so thankful.
Yes, it’s hard going to soccer games without Jamey sitting on the sidelines with me, but how special
is it that my brother in law now comes to games & helps me cheer my daughter on? So yes, there is still sadness in my heart. There will always be sadness in my heart, but I’m focusing on the blessings in my life & all the love being poured out on me. I’m also consciously ready to give back to other widows, to offer an ear, a smile, share a tear or a cup of tea. We are not meant to live in this world alone. We were designed for fellowship.
God has loved me well, & I in turn hope to share His love with others whose hearts have been ripped open too.
But in the meantime, I’m focused on preventing anyone, man, woman, or child from experiencing this kind of loss as a result of colorectal cancer. I am so thankful for the Hollingsworth colorectal cancer awareness board for rallying behind me and supporting Jamey’s mission of awareness. We have so many good things in the works for the month of March, colorectal cancer awareness month. I’m thankful for the city of Mountain Brook for declaring March colorectal cancer awareness month. I’m thankful they agreed to light the city fountain blue as an awareness tool. I am thankful that we are launching the Light it Blue yard lantern campaign to raise awareness for early screening, and I’m really, really thankful that the board is helping plan a celebration of life during Jamey’s birthday month. Truly, I’m nearly speechless when I think about how blessed I am to have such a special a group of people who loved my husband, perhaps as much as me, but in different ways, who are helping plan a beautiful & joyous celebration of life.
So in honor of Valentines Week, I’ll close by saying blessings & love are all around us, if we just open our hearts & eyes to feel & see it, because God is good all the time.
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